Throw It Out Thursday: Self Care Is NOT Selfish
You’ve probably heard this phrase before, “Self Care is NOT Selfish” but what does that mean? Why do we have to declare that taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish? Does it speak more to those who see it as selfish or to make those practicing self-care feel confident that they are doing something positive for all those in their life, even if it looks like just focusing on yourself?
If you ever questioned your me-time, doing something just for you, or doing that extra 5-minute meditation, then this blog is for you. I want to be honest and open with you about my self-care journey and what I’ve seen other women struggle with. It is what inspired my 90 day 1:1 Whole Body Wellness Coaching, an online self-care coaching program to help empathic women prioritize themselves. Ready to dive in?
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
Self-care in its most basic definition is the act of caring for oneself, being proactive in one’s own health instead of reactive. That doesn’t sound selfish, rather it sounds like a life goal we should all strive for, so where did we go wrong? Why has this seemingly basic life need turned into not just a catchphrase but a lucrative business for many, including myself?
Yup, calling myself out as I am an online Self Care Coach, but the truth of the matter is that there is a need for us to look at our self-care, truly look at how we treat ourselves which affects how we treat others, and just because it’s called self-care that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.
I’ve thrown the word around a lot, but what is self-care?
Self-Care /ˌselfˈker/
(noun)
the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.
ex. "autonomy in self-care and insulin administration"
- Definition from Oxford Dictionary
Seems like self-care is actually about preserving and improving your health, nowhere in that definition does it say how to do it or what exactly that process looks like. We can see that it is more than brushing our teeth twice a day and yet doesn’t have to be a weekly bubble bath with spa music playing in the background, right?
Truth is, it’s actually somewhere in the middle and yet different for each person, but here are a few of the self-care practices I coach in my program:
Self-Care Ideas:
Hobbies - These are great ways to recharge, clear your mind if stuck on a project, and even nourishes your soul. Ok, that last one isn’t scientifically proven but more speaking from personal experience…
Journaling - Introspection is necessary to grow, but you don’t want to get stuck inside your head. Journaling allows you to go into your deep thoughts, or even just dump out some surface ones, share daily gratitude for all aspects of your life, and clear some space in your mind. New to journaling? Check out My Self Care Journal that I created in collaboration with a brilliant designer to bring you self-care + skincare + a gratitude journal that’s easy for everyday use. More on this in a bit.
Body Care - This is my happy place and what really got me into self-care. Growing up I struggled with a topical skin disorder caused by a food allergy, so I spent most of my life hiding my skin and hating it.
I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, luckily my mother and uncle got me into being health conscious and I discovered my food allergy, my mother also always encouraged my love for good-smelling bath stuff which developed into skincare in high school. Thus began my addiction to skincare, which led to beauty school, which led to many discoveries and finally cleared my skin.
That’s why I believe this is such an important part of your self-care, I know how it feels to feel some way about yourself because of what’s going on with the outside, no matter how good you feel on the inside. We have to show our body, the skin that protects us from environmental stressors, the sun, and more, show it the love and support it needs so that it can serve and protect us better. And that is far from selfish!
If this is an area that you struggle with and need some guidance on how to care for your whole body, you might be interested in my Whole Body Wellness Coaching. Along with this topic and much more, you can discover your personal self-care practice 1:1 with me. Click HERE to learn more and schedule a call with me to see if my program is a fit for your needs.
If you don’t have a self-care practice already, those just mentioned are good places to start, what matters is that it is in line with preserving and improving your health. Self-care is just that simple. It doesn’t have to be a super complex daily ritual, you don’t have to change who you are, in fact, that is the opposite of what a self-care practice is for! It’s just about what do you need to do to take the best care of yourself.
Before I jump back on my soapbox of what self-care is and isn’t, I wanted to dip a toe into the idea of a Mindfulness Practice. Mindfulness Practice is a mixture of a few things - yoga/breathwork, reflection/journaling, meditation/prayer, and mantras. It’s a great practice to add in or even a place to start. Let’s break each one down a little.
Yoga -or- Breathwork
Something so simple and also so insanely good for us. Practicing yoga, even just 15 minutes a day, is restorative for our body, allows us to quiet our minds, and replenishes our soul. Growing up this was something my mother and I bonded over, we would go every Thursday night to our neighborhood park’s rec center and take yoga from the sweetest old man, Mr. Pilay. She, later on, became a yoga instructor for seniors and I am still practicing daily, just at home.
If this is something you want to get into and are not really sure where to start, check out the YouTube yoga channel I use HERE. Her quick 10-15 minute morning yoga videos help me set the tone for my day, and she also offers 5-minute meditations which we’ll talk about next. You can also try the Saturday Stretch videos my business partner Natasha made in collaboration with our virtual renter Randi on our Instagram.
If you are looking for some support in breathwork, check out the Calm app. They have so many guided audios, even some for meditation, sleep, or energy!
Reflection -or- Journaling
Shameful plug!! I do have what I think is one of the best self-care journals on the market, order your digital download HERE and level up your journal game! On a more serious note though, journaling is such a powerful self-care tool and I encourage you to use it regularly. Like mentioned before, it allows for introspection without keeping all of it in:
What is the main benefit of journaling?
Journaling evokes mindfulness and helps writers remain present while keeping perspective. It presents an opportunity for emotional catharsis and helps the brain regulate emotions. It provides a greater sense of confidence and self-identity.
- 5 Powerful Benefits of Journaling, https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2018/07/5-powerful-health-benefits-of-journaling/
There are many more reasons to write out our thoughts and dreams. I like to use my gratitude journal on a fitness app I use. At first, it was easy to name things I’m grateful for, but after a while, I started to run out of new things. I realized I don’t have to have an endless list of things I am grateful for, it’s better for me to show gratitude to the things in my life I am already grateful for. Give it a try, the worst that happens is you don’t get anything out of it and move on to another self-care tool, there’s no shame in trying something out!
Meditation -or- Prayer
I put these two together because not everyone has a declared religion they practice, and on the other hand, a faith practice can be a form of meditation. It doesn’t matter if you do one or the other, or both, what matters is you find what works for you. As a practicing Buddhist, I chant twice daily as a part of my faith practice. While this allows me to focus on my goals, work on polishing my character, and connect me to my faith, by adding in meditation I broadened this aspect of my self-care practice, enriching it.
In 2020 my business partner and I realized how important meditation is to a self-care practice and decided to create 7 days of guided meditation on our YouTube channel. There are many ways to meditate, you can even just take a seat, close down your eyes and take a 5-minute quiet meditation now! Try adding a form of meditation into your week and see if you notice any differences in your day-to-day.
Mantras
Probably an easy place to start but one of the hardest concepts to internalize and take on as truth, mantras are the sharp sword of self-care that helps us in our battles with ourselves. I love mantras so much I have many of them saved on to my Pinterest board #HopeDealers, check it out and save some of your favorite mantras!
So why are mantras the hardest concept? It’s one thing to say “I am an amazing and powerful soul” or “I deserve love and respect” it’s a whole other thing to truly and fully believe those words. The benefit of mantras is they allow us to redirect our thoughts towards the ones we want to see in our lives, you just gotta believe it.
By now you might have some ideas brewing for what self-care practices you might want to add to your routine. Or maybe you’ve just decided to finally jump in and start a self-care practice.
Congratulations and I celebrate you! That is a major and a big step for many of us to take, but before we jump on the me-train to self-love town, let’s talk briefly about what is practiced most often and called self-care, other-care.
Other-care is what many women I run into believe is their self-care. Allow me to explain, it’s when caring for your children, their needs and happiness, and the needs of others in your life gives you a sense of joy or fulfillment. Being a part of their success is your success, and it is! I don’t want to negate that idea, but there is space for both their victories and your own, personal victories.
Now I am not saying that you have to put others second, or last, or not even focus on what they want just your own life. Not at all. What I am bringing up is that while other-care is important, it is not what fills your cup, what preserves or improves your health. If you take your family member to the hospital, it doesn’t count as you going for yourself right? The same is true with self-care. Taking your kiddos to their sports activities is great and important, but their sport isn’t your hobby. So what is your hobby? Well, that is something for you to explore my dear ❤️ practice your hobbies and practice spending time with others and contributing to their well-being. Both are extremely important and vital to our health.
I hope this blog helped you unpack any unnecessary baggage around what self-care is and isn’t, and how it is not a selfish act but one that serves all the people in your life. If you still have questions about how to apply this to your life or want to dive into any of these topics deeper, visit my website HERE and schedule a call with me! Let’s discover together what your body is telling you and what self-care tools you can leverage for your whole body wellness. As always, be good to your skin and even better to your whole self!
xx eri